Colembolla are tiny little creatures that live by the trillions in moist soils all across the world. We have all been touched by the plight of these misfortunate buggies, but most likely in a manner that would suprise. Kids, dogs, parents and duckies frolic all day long throughout parks, fields and forests, crushing these little arthropods by the dozens with every step. Of course when the sun goes down the souls of the fallen travel up through the blades of grass and into the ionosphere. There they bolster the ranks of ozone or karma or aurora borealis or something – I can’t remember. The important thing is that much like slimer of ghostbuster fame, the souls leave a little drop of wetness on every physical object that they float up through. The next morning the grass is slick with the protoplasmic dew of the collembolla.

And now where I make money. I say we load water bombers with a liquid slurry of colembolla and raid, then plaster wide swaths of forest in advance of large fires, creating what I will call dewbreaks. Or maybe collemblockas.